I find myself pondering on the words Solitude and Loneliness quite often. Somehow, in today’s world, the former has lost meaning and is very much confused and intertwined with the latter. Not surprising really, with the attention span of even lesser than a goldfish nowadays, the art of just keeping to yourself and listening to one’s inner voice without distractions has eviscerated. As such, the very act of doing the same is mistaken by the general populace as being “lonely”.
I may be overgeneralizing here, but I see so many people portraying themselves as being “lonely” without any escape and unwilling to make a healthy change. Granted, there are people with genuine health conditions that leave them that way, but I’m not talking about them over here. You may also find me to be critical of the very generation that I am part of, but forgive me, I’m an old soul in a young body.
Let’s break the two words down now. Personally, I feel, Loneliness – A place and a period of time where one is not content with oneself, Solitude – A place and period where one is. If this holds true, then at some point in our lives, we have somehow or the other been lonely. What is the differentiating factor then? How is it that Loneliness turns into Solitude? The act of being content with ourselves. This is a conscious act and does not come naturally. It is at this point where the majority of the population start to confuse the two words and merge it into one. They are unable and unwilling to do such a conscious act and decide that they are always going to be “Lonely”.
I have seen a lot of people get into relationships and friendships to fill this particular gap of not being content with themselves. To which, I have always maintained this stance, ‘If you’re not content with yourself, how do you expect to be content in a relationship/friendship?’
Words in that statement are quite simple, but the meaning inside is quite heavy. Shifting the burden of your contentment onto somebody else in the hopes that they will fill that gap is perhaps a grave mistake that you are willingly making. In case that person leaves, the gap still remains and would’ve only become more protruded. You then go into a frantic frenzy to fix that and this loop continues nonstop leaving you more broken than ever before each time.
I agree, being lonely (by my definition of the word) is an unpleasant and difficult moment to find yourself in. I’ve been through the worst of it as well. But the thing about loneliness is that it often gives you a chance to fight back, to take things into your control rather than letting it define you. And that is where Solitude kicks in. Once you start viewing that these two things are separate, a whole new world opens up for you without you even realizing it. Being Solitary does not mean that you have to face the world by yourself and all the challenges that it puts up for you, it just means that your dependence on others for overcoming those challenges reduce and you start to depend on yourself a whole lot more. That in itself, is quite fulfilling.
Solitude, for me, has always been bettering myself to a point where I will be able to survive without total dependence on any particular matter. It is always going on, a path of continuous discovery. As said earlier, it is a conscious act and not something that comes naturally. So, when I see people stuck at the juncture of Loneliness and Solitude, I find myself questioning whether they are truly unable to cross the barrier or whether it is just a matter of not doing things to become content with themselves.
Now you may ask how to become content. I’m afraid there is no hard and fast rule or method to do so. It is as individualistic as can be, what works for me will never work for you and vice versa. It is a process of self-discovery, one’s notion of self never would and should never be the same as another. That being said, a common theme that passes through this process is detachment. I could never fully express the ginormous concept into a few simple words, even if I have a way with them, and I don’t intend to explain it right now, as it is something hardly a handful, if any, have truly understood and implemented in their lives. However, since it is a common thread in the process, all I can say is detachment is the ultimate end goal of whatever it is we are trying to seek. There is a picture in this blog where I have mentioned the same, where it says, “We are always solitary, never alone, our mind keeps us company. End of the day, we detach from everything except our mind. When that is also detached, we leave.” Figure out what this means and eighty percent of your job is done.
Human Beings collectively have always been social beings. We need that interaction to thrive, we need the relationships to survive. I don’t intend to say that Solitude is the only way forward for us, nor do I advocate it saying it is better than social interactions. What I have realised is that Solitary Human Beings, who by my definition of being content with themselves, are far more likely to take any challenge that is put up against them and thwart it with ease. Their social interactions will be far more secure than anyone else. It has only pained me to see a whole lot of people unwilling to cross the barrier because of their ill-conceived notions about the concept at large. Going back to the caption of the aforementioned picture, “Perhaps if we start viewing solitude and loneliness as two separate things, we would stop beating ourselves up for being alone. One needs to be embraced, the other needs to be discarded, over time.”
My process of becoming content with myself has been long and arduous and still unfinished, but looking back on it now, I am proud of how much I have been through to get here. I only hope and wish that you too would be proud of who you are and how you’ve gotten here. The Butterfly Effect happens not only in nature, but within ourselves as well. Just sit by yourself for a few minutes, think on all the actions and events, both good and bad, that have helped you to reach where you are today. You’ll be surprised how perhaps some small actions back then have turned into something quite monumental.
As I said in the beginning, the art of just sitting by yourself and listening to your inner voice is eviscerating. Perhaps going through whatever you’ve read so far helps you, and in the process, the society at large, bring it back. Embrace the Utopia of Solitude and Discard the Dystopia of Loneliness. Perhaps that is the next step of evolution for us as human beings.
Raw truth, beautifully written❤️.